Pipe down son

Oh em gee the sound of a toddler screaming because they can’t get their own way – is there a more annoying, godawful sound on earth. No I doubt there is.

The past almost two weeks the Curly-Haired Monster has discovered his lungs and the ability to screech at a very high pitch. It is a bloodcurdling sound and I’m certain my neighbours have contemplated calling the police. 

He likes to use this new finely-tuned skill when he doesn’t get what he wants. He is a stubborn little boy – not sure where he inherited that trait from – and often teams the screaming with a little lie down on the floor. On special occasions he will even bang his head on the floor. Good times.

I am not the most patient person in the world and have to restrain myself from screaming back – admittedly I have screamed back – but recently The Boy and I have decided the best way for the screaming to cease is to ignore him.

It works like a charm but I can’t help but feeling like the worst parent on earth. For realz does a mother’s guilt ever f*cking end?

Anyway I am sure I am not alone but I constantly feel like all other mums have so much more patience than me and I am doing a terrible job. I imagine in other homes the parents are calm and laugh off these tantrums where as I am trying not to tear my hair out or crack open a bottle of shiraz at 10am. 

Then it makes me question my ability to have more than one child? Could I handle it? How the hell do other parents do it? Will this hideous guilt which cloaks me every minute of my life ever dissipate? Does it ever get any easier?

It’s the final countdown

Source: etsy.com via Christine on Pinterest

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I have five weeks of work to go before I am on 52-weeks maternity leave. Five weeks. Wow.

Then I’ll have six weeks to go before I am due.

Where has the time gone? It feels like just yesterday we invited our families over to announce the news that we were having a baby. Now I’m about to put my working life on hold and prepare for the next chapter in The Boy and mine’s life. It’s scary and exciting all at the same time. It’s going to be a huge change but I think I’m almost ready for it.

The hardest part is trying to imagine not getting up and going to work each day. I love my job and I love working. I’m so lucky to have a career rather than a job. I often feel sorry for people whose work is simply a way for them to earn money. I think I’d lose my mind if I had to work somewhere which wasn’t fulfilling and enjoyable.

I often imagine how I will spend my days. I admit I am one of those career women who wonder – “what do stay-at-home mums do all day”. Cue the boos and hisses from the stay-at-home mum brigade. Before everyone gets defensive let me say I am well aware I’m going to be busy changing nappies, feeding, doing housework etc while being deprived of sleep. I know it’s an all-consuming job but I do struggle to imagine how I’ll be any busier than I already am. I think it will just be a different kind of busy. Feel free to ask me how I’m going a week after Predator arrives.

I’m also concerned about being at home and not having any adult interaction for the majority of the day. I am a very social person, I love to talk and I go crazy if I’m stuck inside away from people for too long. I’m the opposite of a homebody. The thought of being at home all day fills me with dread. Lucky babies are portable and I have a swanky new jogger I can pop him/her in when cabin fever hits. I see a lot of pavement pounding over the next 12 months. My mum can expect a lot of visits too – hi mum!

The Boy and I have always said we wouldn’t let our lives change too much once the baby is here. Of course our lives will be different but I don’t see why The Boy and I can’t enjoy doing the things we do now after the little rugrat arrives. I know some parents become hermits once they’ve had a child or they use their offspring as an excuse to get out of social situations. Not us.

We’ve already booked our first family holiday for over the Summer and I’m going to Lady Gaga three weeks after Predator is due. We also have several weddings to attend this year and countless 30ths – we won’t be using the baby as an excuse to miss out. We are also taking the little one to New Zealand next year to meet The Boy’s family – I can’t wait.

Which brings me to the top 15 things I am looking forward to once I have given birth …

  1. Meeting our mini-human and giving he/she a big cuddle
  2. Giving him/her a name so I can stop referring to he/she as Predator
  3. Seeing my family’s faces when they get to meet Predator – my dad already has the most priceless look on his face whenever he sees me and my expanding bump
  4. Being a family
  5. Eating poached eggs on rye with smoked salmon, spinach and hollandaise sauce – my mouth is salivating at the mere thought of this
  6. Having Sunday cuddles – I don’t believe in co-sleeping or having children in the bed but on Sunday mornings there is going to be an exception where there will be plenty of family cuddles in bed
  7. Playing dress-ups – yes I am truly that shallow but I just can’t wait to dress this baby up
  8. Running/working out without the worry of overheating – I know it’s sick but can’t wait to get really sweaty and out of breath again
  9. Taking baby out for the first time – this one also scares the bejesus out of me
  10. Sleeping on my stomach and throwing out the giant body pillow – I’ve had a gutful of sleeping on my left side only
  11. Predator’s first smile, laugh etc
  12. Drinking a lovely glass of cabernet sauvignon while eating soft cheese and Italian sausage with The Boy, friends and the little one by my side