Chill out mumma

It’s been a big two weeks – I waved goodbye to my 20s and said hello to turning 30.

Hooray hooray the internet is finally working! I have been without a decent internet connection  for almost two weeks now – pure torture – which is why I haven’t posted anything lately.

A lot has happened since my last post – I finished work, began my 52 weeks of maternity leave and turned 30.

I have to admit I was a little devastated I couldn’t mourn the end of my 20s with a giant glass of red. However I still made sure I celebrated in style by throwing a big party with all of my friends and family. It was lots of fun, I felt very loved and was very spoilt. The Boy even baked me a delicious chocolate cake.

Finishing work was easier than I expected too. Although I must admit I am still keeping an eye on things from home.

So now the countdown to Predator’s arrival is well and truly on. Five weeks and four days until my due date – OMG.

Without the stress of work I am now finally free to enjoy being pregnant and get myself organised for the big day. I feel like there is so much to do and I want to be as organised as possible but everyone keeps reminding me I need to relax.

This is harder than it sounds. Anyone who knows me is well aware I thrive on stress. I always have several things on the go at once. I’m even watching a movie as I type this. I love to multi-task. Perhaps this is why I love being a journalist so much.

Coupled with this constant need to be always doing something is guilt. I feel awful faffing around while The Boy is at work. I think the least I can do is make sure he comes home to a spotless house and a fabulous home-cooked meal – how very 1950s of me I know. He tells me I need to relax too but I can’t help feeling bad about it.

All mums tell me the same thing – to enjoy the time to myself while I can and to get as much rest as possible before I am up to my neck in dirty nappies, feeding and surviving on little sleep.

So from this moment I am going to set aside at least an hour a day to do absolutely nothing. Whether that be soaking in the bath, having a nanna nap or reading a book over a cup of tea, I’m going to have a little ‘me-time’ without the guilt.

Wish me luck! Oh and hopefully now our internet seems to be working again I’ll be able to post more regularly – yippee!

Maternally yours, Lady of Leisure.

 

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A cloud hangs over

English: Miranda Kerr at a book signing.

If I see one more headline featuring 'super-mum' Miranda Kerr I'm going to lose it.

About 10 years ago I was told by my doctor that due to suffering from anxiety I would be more susceptible to post-natal depression than most.

At the age of 19 I didn’t really think about it too much as having children was the furthest thing from my mind but lately it’s been weighing on me a bit.

For the past week or so I’ve been feeling low, my insomnia has returned with a vengeance and I even had a mild anxiety attack the other morning. These feelings are at their worst when I first wake up. I don’t want to get out of bed and quite often I get teary. At night my mind races at a mile a minute and during the day I am so tired it hurts.

A line from one of my favourite songs describes it best – ‘a cloud hangs over and mutes my happiness’.

That’s not what concerns me as I’ve been putting up with this sort of thing on and off for about a decade and I’ve learnt to deal with it. I find it more annoying than anything. However if these feelings do continue and it starts to become a problem I will speak to my doctor about it.

What concerns me is the lack of discussion about antenatal and postnatal depression.

There’s so much talk about birth, breastfeeding and parenting yet it seems no one wants to talk about this issue which according to Beyond Blue affects one in six mothers while antenatal depression affects up to 10 per cent of expectant mothers.

Antenatal depression occurs during pregnancy while postnatal depression can occur one month or even year after giving birth and has the same characteristics as depression. Beyond Blue has a PND checklist which is worth checking out if you or someone you know may be suffering from the illness.

It’s important to note PND is different from the ‘baby blues’ which develops pretty much straight away, is considered ‘normal’ and fades away after a few days.

Some mothers are more at risk than others when it comes to developing PND.

“Like depression which occurs at any other time, PND doesn’t have one definite cause – but it’s likely to result from a combination of factors. A mixture of physical, biological and hormonal factors seem to put women at risk of experiencing depression following the birth of a baby including:

  • a past history of depression and/or anxiety
  • a stressful pregnancy
  • depression during the current pregnancy
  • a family history of mental disorders
  • experiencing severe ‘baby blues’
  • a prolonged labour and/or delivery complications
  • problems with the baby’s health
  • difficulty breastfeeding

Social and psychological risk factors may include:

  • a lack of practical, financial and/or emotional support
  • past history of abuse
  • difficulties in close relationships
  • being a single parent
  • having an unsettled baby (i.e. difficulties with feeding and sleeping)
  • having unrealistic expectations about motherhood including: mothers bond with their babies straight away, mothers know instinctively what to do and/or motherhood is a time of joy
  • moving house
  • making work adjustments (e.g. stopping or re-starting work).
  • leep deprivation

Source: www.beyondblue.org.au

I’m no medical expert but I’d like to add ‘pressure to be perfect’ to that list.

There is so much pressure for new mothers to be super mums these days and I’ll admit the mass media’s portrayal of mothers has a lot to do with it. Its infatuation with new mums such as Victoria’s Secret models Miranda Kerr and Alessandra Ambrosio and how they got their bodies back, how easy motherhood is and how being a mother is ‘the best job in the world’ is sickening.

It’s also not reality.

Why don’t we ever hear about what those first few months or year is really like? Instead we are bombarded with glossy airbrushed images of celebrity in bikinis six weeks after giving birth and interviews of them espousing how motherhood is a breeze. I call bullshit.

The women who buy these magazines are also at fault for feeding the machine which continues to project this false image. Ladies stop buying them!

Why don’t we ever hear or talk about the fears new mums have? Is it a sign of weakness to reveal how we are really feeling? Does it make a woman less of a mother if she admits she’s not coping? What’s with all the competitiveness between mothers? Perhaps if there was more discussion and openness surrounding these mental health issues less mothers would suffer from antenatal and postnatal depression. One in six is a very concerning statistic.

I’m not ashamed to admit it, I am petrified of becoming a mother – PETRIFIED! I barely know how to hold a baby, I’m sure I’m going to lose the plot if I can’t get he/she to stop crying, the thought of being at home all day with barely any adult interaction gives me anxiety and I have ZERO maternal instinct.

I absolutely love being pregnant, childbirth doesn’t faze me too much but it’s what comes after which scares the hell out of me.

Just once when I tell a friend or family member my fears it’d be nice for some truth or advice rather than the generic – ‘oh you’ll be fine’, ‘it’ll kick in once the baby’s born’ or ‘it’s different when it’s your own’ followed by a swift change of subject. These sorts of responses only add to my anxiety.

What if it’s not? What if I become the one out of six? If that is the case I hope I will be strong enough to ask for help rather than keep up the façade that all is well. Because at the end of the day if mum isn’t happy or coping how is that mini-human meant to have the best start to life?

If you aren’t coping – please ask for help from a supportive partner, friends or family and talk to a health professional.Here are some tips for helping yourself.

Or if someone you know looks like they’re not coping give them a hand, listen to their fears. Sometimes just talking is enough.

Maternally yours, Not Ashamed.