I did it – I ran a bloody marathon!

About three weeks ago I did what I thought was impossible. I ran a marathon. It was awesome and without a doubt one of the best days of my life.

You can read all about it here. I am living proof that anything is possible if you just put your mind to it and never, ever give up ūüôā

Me with my Three Waters Running Festival marathon medal. One of the best days of my life.

Me with my Three Waters Running Festival marathon medal. One of the best days of my life.

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#firstworldproblems

This week I have been having a fair bit of self-doubt across many aspects of my life and I really need to give myself a big kick up the arse about it.
Self-doubt at being a mother, self-doubt at work, self-doubt at organising the wedding to the high standard I’ve set myself and doubting that I’ll be able to run a marathon in two months time.
I’ve been sick all week and have been house-bound pretty much the entire time which means I have only ran once and that does not help my overactive mind one bit. Far too much time to over-think.
The Curly-Haired Monster is also sick which is where the self doubt as a mother comes into play.
Being winter he often has the sniffles and more so when he is teething so I wasn’t overly concerned when he had a runny nose early in the week. He also had a slight cough but nothing to be concerned about – I’m not one to rush him to the doctor over every snotty nose and little cough.
He had a bit of a weepy eye too on Monday but it appeared to clear up.
Anyway he had been a bit hard to handle this week – a fair bit of tantrum throwing and waking constantly at night. The Boy and I were getting pretty frustrated and put it down to teething and just a phase.
I dropped him off at day care on Wednesday only to be called later in the day to be told he might have conjunctivitis. His eyes started to weep mid-morning. I immediately made a doctor’s appointment and picked him up.
Fast-forward and he was diagnosed with an ear infection in both ears, conjunctivitis and very, very mild bronchitis. Oh. My. God. Worst. Mother. On. Earth.
The poor kid was in immense pain and The Boy and I were annoyed because we weren’t getting any sleep.
We both felt so bad and I started questioning my ability to be a mother. I kept thinking a good mother would have taken him to the doctor straight away, a good mother wouldn’t get frustrated, a good mother has the patience of a saint.
I was doubting myself so much I even thought at one stage I shouldn’t have had a baby – I’m useless, too selfish and suck at this parenting gig I thought to myself.
Ugh. Shut up brain.
I took a day off work also this week because I was feeling so ill which inevitably put me way behind. I got to work yesterday and had so many emails requesting help, not to mention a list as long as my arm of stuff to get through.
Also my workmate is on leave so I was already doing the work of two people crammed into three days – now make that two days.
If there’s one thing I hate doing it’s asking for help. I hate it – I don’t want to be seen as weak or incapable. Long story short I had to ask for help yesterday to get through my workload. Ugh cue self-doubt at my competency to handle a heavy workload.
The wedding. It is literally keeping me up at night. I can’t sleep because I’m stressed it won’t all come together.
I’m stressed because I am doing everything on my own. I’m stressed because The Boy just doesn’t get how much stuff is involved.
He has not once taken it upon himself to organise anything and if I delegate a task it’s “forgotten” about or left to the last minute so I end up doing it myself.
He offers to help but I know he doesn’t really want to. I know he is going to so angry at me for typing the above.
I am a control freak. He knows this, I know this.
My bridesmaids offer to help but I feel bad asking them to.
Ugh I just want it all to be semi-perfect. There’s so much to do and it’s only three months away.
Prior to the wedding I am going to run my first full marathon. That’s the plan anyway.
This week my training had been a massive fail. It’s not my fault – I can’t breathe properly and I feel awful.
I’m better off resting but now I’m thinking what if I don’t get enough long runs in, what if I hit a wall and can’t go on, what if I don’t finish, what if my hip gives me too much grief and I have to pull out. What if I go out too fast and end up crying/walking the last 10km.
Ugh shut up brain.
To non-running folk this is going to sound ridiculous but I know if I could just get outside and go for a run all of this self doubt would evaporate and I’d be rearing to go again.
I’m aware how very first-world problems this all sounds but I’m not even viewing them as problems I’m just going to accept I’m feeling very overwhelmed this week.
In a nutshell – shit happens and life goes on. *Arse kicked*
Lets do this!

Revelations

Last night was a nightmare – The Baby decided to play from 12.50am until sunrise. Pass the coffee please! Which reminded me of a time when The Boy and I used to love staying up all night now I would sell my right kidney to get a solid night’s sleep and miss the sunrise.

Despite having less than two-hours sleep I went for a 10km run earlier because sometimes no matter how tired you are you just need some time for yourself. However I got home, had a shower, got back in my pjs and am now in bed as The Baby is FINALLY asleep.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever know what it’s like to not feel exhausted.

These days there are two things I am constantly chasing and wondering if they do in fact exist – eight no even just six hours of unbroken sleep and being able to drink a cup of tea or coffee in peace.

I love The Baby and love being a mum but holy hell some days just suck, lucky he’s so damn adorable.

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It’s all happening

Oh hai there abandoned blog .. I finally have something to post about – yippee!

In four sleeps I make my return to the newsdesk after almost 12 months of maternity leave. I am excited, nervous and apprehensive. Not to mention there is a tad bit of guilt creeping in for good measure. I will be working two days for six months before returning for either three days or full-time depending on how I feel.

My fabulous mother will be watching The Baby for one day and the other day he will be going to day care.

I am looking forward to working again, I really am. Some people work because they have to while others work because they want to. I fit into the latter category. I can’t wait to immerse myself into the news again and get my brain cranking – although it might take a couple of weeks for that to happen!

Since I have been on leave my office has had a dramatic makeover so I can’t wait to sit at my new desk with my new equipment. I also have a team now – whereas before it was just me so that is also something I look forward to.

Being surrounded by adults and having proper conversation which does not revolve around parenting and babies is also going to be a breath of fresh air. Dressing for the office and not for comfort and practicality is something I oddly long for. As are takeaway coffees, long lunches and office gossip with the other journos.

However at the same time I wonder how on earth will I be able to get The Baby ready, get myself ready and have the house looking presentable all by 7.30am. Will he notice I am gone and resent me? Or will he barely bat an eyelid and love spending time with his Nanny and make new baby friends at day care? I am fairly confident it will be the latter as he is a very social little boy and loves people especially mini-humans.

Will I still go running after work? I am currently in training for my first-ever half-marathon (28 days to go – eek!) and I cannot miss any self-imposed training sessions. I know I will want to go but will I feel guilty about leaving The Baby for an extra hour on top of the nine I have already left him for?

How will we eat dinner before midnight on my two working days? I am thinking slow-cooker at this stage or meal prep. Or convince The Boy it is his job as he finishes work a few hours before me.

Do I let The Baby eat day-care food or prepare food for him to bring? What if he gets sick Рhe has yet to get sick (touch wood). How will I work productively if we have had a shocking night before and have had barely any sleep?

I also fear the house will end up looking like a crack den because I would not have had time to clean during the day. Sometimes I wish I was one of those people who can handle a bit of mess but I can’t it gives me anxiety. When I go back full-time I am seriously considering a cleaning lady come through once per week. The last thing I want to be doing on weekends is cleaning – ain’t nobody got time for that!

Do I have a tendency to over-think things? YES!

Ugh I am sure everything will be fine and I am just being over-dramatic. Just typing this all out has made me feel better about the whole situation.

The Baby is nine months old tomorrow. NINE MONTHS. Which means in three months he will be one. OMG. Yes I am already planning his party in my head.

He is an itty-bitty thing – so itty bitty he wasn’t even on the chart for his weight at his eight-month check up and was in the bottom-half percentile for height. Small things come in good packages, just look at his mum ūüėČ

He has four teeth and is crawling. This week he started climbing and standing while holding onto things. We bought him a walker despite vowing never to and he doesn’t like it thankfully as he prefers to explore on all fours. So now we are selling the walker.

He is very chatty and almost always happy. I don’t want to jinx it but he sleeps through the night too. Sometimes he doesn’t but more often than not he does.

Like his mum he loves his food and enjoys feeding himself. I call him my curly-haired monster because also like his mum (when I was a baby) he has super curly hair.

It’s hard to tell who he looks like the most. He is a good mixture of the two of us I think. He has inherited our love for music and socialising which is good to see. He is also very independent and is happy to entertain himself.

One thing which has happened just this week and has saddened me is he no longer wants the boob. I wanted to breastfeed for at least a year however he has decided otherwise. I still persevere but he is not into it and prefers to bite me and it bloody hurts. I am determined to keep trying but I think we (more like me) will have to move on soon. He does look ridiculously cute feeding himself his bottle though.

It amazes me how fast the past nine months have flown by and I can’t wait to see what the next nine months bring.

If any working mums have any advice for me shoot away!

Skipping breakfast? Don’t be a fool

 

I have been eating the same thing for breakfast for as long as I can remember now.

A nice warm bowl of porridge six days a week and poached eggs on toast on either Saturday or Sunday. When The Boy and I go out for breakfast it’s eggs Florentine with smoked salmon which I mentioned here.

One of the signs something was amiss before finding out I was pregnant was that I could no longer stomach porridge. The sheer thought of it made my tummy turn. For about five months all I could eat for breakfast was banana on toast. Funnily enough I haven’t touched it since.

I never EVER skip breakfast. In fact I make it a priority as soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning – well right after The Baby is seen to that is.

Breakfast really is the most important meal of the day and if  you are skipping it you are a fool. Eating breakfast kick starts your metabolism for the day and refuels the body. Think about it Рthe last time you ate was at dinner time the night before. If you miss breakfast your body has gone without food for more than 10 hours.

By skipping breakfast you are forcing your body into starvation mode and it will cling to fat stores in order to survive. So if you are missing breakfast in order to lose weight you are in fact doing yourself a huge disservice. This terrible habit is slowing your metabolism and fat burning will be at an all-time low. Never skip meals – you will not lose weight. This concept is so stupid I can’t even begin to get my head around it.

Breakfast also gives you energy and mums need energy. So eat up!

“I don’t have time to eat breakfast”. The catch-cry of mothers everywhere. Bullsh*t. Make time. How hard is it to peel a banana, chuck it in the blender with some milk, protein and honey? I’d say it’d take you about three minutes.

Or you could do what I did last night and make some delicious, healthy, filling porridge overnight in the slow cooker so when you wake up all you need to do is spoon it in to a bowl and eat it.

Here is what I did but you can make up your own combination

1/4 cup of oats – I use steel-cut oats

1 cup of water

1 tbsp coconut oil

1 tbsp honey

1 tbsp chia seeds

1 tsp LSA

Handful of berries

Bang it all into the slow cooker. Switch it on to low. Go to bed and let it work its magic.

When morning comes spoon it into a bowl topped with 1/4 cup of milk – I prefer to use almond or soy – and eat up. Delicious!

Now there really is no excuse to skip breakfast ever again.